学英语之当一名好听众应该知道的四点建议

当我们倾听 一个人将因此而存在 ——Laurie Buchanan博士
It’s easy to tell when someone’s not paying attention,
分辨出一个人分心容易
but it can be surprisingly tricky to know what truly excellent listening looks like.
但要了解真正好的听众是什么样子却很难
Behavioral scientists have found that
行为科学家发现
good listening is one of the most important things we can do
对于改善人际关系 开阔世界观
to improve our relationships,
甚至于转变人的思想
develop our worldview, and potentially even change people’s minds.
我们能做的最重要的一件事是好好倾听
So, what can we do to become better listeners?
那么我们如何做到更好地倾听呢？
At its core, listening in a one-on-one conversation
在一对一的谈话中 倾听的要点在于
is about taking an interest in another person
关注对方
and making them feel understood.
让对方感到有人理解自己
There’s no universally agreed upon definition of high-quality listening,
高质量倾听没有统一的定义
but some recurring features include:
但有一些重复的特征：
attentiveness, conveying understanding,
关注 表示理解
and showing a positive intention towards the speaker.
向说话者传达积极的信号
This doesn’t mean you can simply go through the motions.
这不代表你可以只装装样子
Researchers have found that merely smiling and nodding at set intervals
研究人员发现仅仅是时不时微笑和点头
doesn’t quite work.
作用不大
However, there is something slightly performative about listening
反而 倾听需要些许演绎
in that it’s important to show you’re doing it.
这是因为要表现出你正在倾听 这很重要
So, in addition to actively attending to a speaker’s words,
因此 除了积极地关注说话者在说些什么
good listeners also use questions and body language
好的听众也会通过提问和肢体语言
that indicate their understanding and their desire to understand.
表示自己听明白了 或者希望听明白
This might feel awkward at first,
起初 这或许有些尴尬
and what’s most effective might depend on your relationship with the speaker.
哪个方法最有效可能取决于你与说话者的关系
But with time and practice
但时间一久 次数一多
you can internalize these basic behaviors.
你会将这些基本的行为内化于心
So let’s say a good friend wants to tell you about an issue
假设你的好友想向你倾诉
they’re having with their partner.
他和伴侣之间的矛盾
Before even starting your conversation,
谈话开始之前
remove any distractions in the environment.
清理完周围一切让你分心的物品
Turn off the TV,
关掉电视
take off your headphones and put your phone away—
摘下耳机 把手机放一边——
far away.
放得远远地
One study showed that even the visible presence of a phone
一项研究显示 即使手机只存在视野之中
made conversations feel less intimate and fulfilling to those involved.
也会让双方觉得谈话没那么亲密 愉快
Once the conversation begins,
一旦开始谈话
one of the most important things you can do is also the most obvious—
最重要也最明显能做的是
try not to interrupt.
不要打断对方
This doesn’t mean you need to stay completely silent.
这不是说你要完完全全沉默不语
But if you do interject,
而是如果要插话
look for natural pauses
要等对方正常停下来
to ask open-ended questions that benefit the speaker,
问一些对对方有利的开放性问题
not just your curiosity.
而不是只满足自己的好奇心
Questions like “What happened next?”
像“后来怎么样了？”
or “How did that make you feel?”
或者“你对那件事是什么感觉？”
confirm that you’re following the story
这些问题让他相信你在听他讲
while also helping the speaker dive deeper into their own thoughts.
同时也在帮助他更深入地理解自己的想法
Another great way to show your understanding
表明理解对方的另一个好方法是
is by summarizing what you just heard
总结刚刚听到的事
and asking if you’ve missed anything.
询问对方是否有任何遗漏
Summaries like this show the speaker that
这样的总结让对方看出
you’re truly trying to understand them
你确实在尽力理解他们
rather than just waiting for your turn to talk.
而不仅仅是等着轮到自己说话
Speaking of which, while a good conversation requires back and forth,
谈到这 尽管好的交流需要有来有往
planning out your response while the speaker is talking
但在对方说话时思考如何回答
is a common way to miss what’s being said.
常常会错过正在说的信息
So try to stay present
所以尽量注意当下
and if you lose focus,
如果你开小差了
don’t be shy about asking the speaker to repeat what you missed.
不要羞于请求对方重复错过的信息
This might feel embarrassing,
这可能会尴尬
but asking for clarification actually shows that you’re committed
但问清楚其实表示你在尽心尽力地
to understanding.
去理解
Finally, don’t be afraid of silence.
最后 不要害怕沉默
It’s okay to ask for a moment to formulate your response
请求一点时间组织答复没什么大不了的
and taking a beat to think
缓一缓 思考思考
can help speakers reflect on their speech as well.
这也有助于对方认真思考说过的话
These might seem like small changes,
这可能看起来只是一些小小的改变
but together they make a big difference.
但加在一起能起到大大的作用
And when people feel heard,
当人们感到被倾听
they report more satisfaction,
他们更满意 更信任对方
trust, and connection in their relationships.
也与对方交流更多
In the workplace, employees who feel heard
在工作中 若员工感到自己被倾听
generally experience less burnout,
通常更少感到疲惫
and perceive the managers who listened to them more favorably.
对倾听自己意见的老板更友好
Unfortunately, while it might be easy to listen to some people,
遗憾的是 倾听某些人可能容易
it can be hard to muster all this focus and attention
但如果你不认同或不喜欢说话者
if you disagree with or dislike the speaker.
就很难全神贯注
But these situations might actually benefit most
但这些情况可能真的会因你努力
from your efforts to listen openly.
以开明的心态倾听而受益最大
The theory of psychological reactance suggests
逆反心理这一理论表明
that trying to force someone to change their mind
试图强迫一个人改变想法
makes them more likely to defend their point of view.
更可能使得他捍卫自己的想法
However, recent studies suggest that high-quality listening
然而 近期有研究发现
fosters open-mindedness by creating a non-judgmental
高质量倾听会创造出不评判 无心理负担的环境
and psychologically safe environment.
从而培养出开明的思想
Of course, truly open-minded listening
当然 真正以开明的心态倾听
isn’t about changing people’s minds.
并非改变人们的想法
Good listening is not the same as agreeing,
好的倾听不等同于一味认同
and conversations don’t have to end with a happy resolution.
谈话未必要以愉快解决分歧为结尾
But even during a disagreement,
但即便存在分歧
sometimes being heard
有时 被倾听
is enough to start a deeper conversation.
足以开启一段更深层次的对话